She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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