i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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