I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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