Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
