you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
