I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
