We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
