new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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