Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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