She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
