It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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