So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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