I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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