he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
