I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
