how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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