Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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