What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
