Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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