he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
