I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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