it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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