I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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