So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
