I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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