Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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