but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
