After last night, I could never be a politician.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
