Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
