The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
