Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
