Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
