i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
