I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i dont even know how to be here
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
