I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
