I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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