Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
