I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
