just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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