For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
