At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
