His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
