Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
