He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
