Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
