then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
