Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
