I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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