I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
