There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
