dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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