And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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