I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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