Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My hand turned me down
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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