I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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