In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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