I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
