Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
