Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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