Someone shit on the floor
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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