i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
