If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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