i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
